Some facts, figures, ideas and thoughts about gay men's health
Well, where to start...... Gay Men have all the health issues that straight men have and then some....... Here are some of the things, in no particular order, that you might like to consider healthwise.....
1 - Sexual Health
Well, since the rest of the world seems to think that gay men only really think about sex we might as well start with that. Sex, sex, sex, let's get the shy retiring bit out the way, most of us have times we really want it, many have times we're not that keen and all of us have times when a good book (or in Boy Georges case a cup of tea) is infinately more attractive. So what are the health things that you should think about. First thing is, have the sex that you want and feel good about it. This means if you don't want it, say no and walk away. And if you're getting it , get it the right way, explore the things that make you feel good, experiment with ways to ask for them, have fun. All of us have sex which is dissapointing every now and again and instead of making you feel bad about yourself just think about why it was bad and file it under useful information. Sex should be enjoyable, don't be afraid to have fun with it and laugh and play. If you can, and don't worry lots of us can't, talk with your partners and your friends about your sex life, share your thoughts, your fantasies, your concerns and worries, you'll soon find that you're not the only one that has those thoughts.
Before we move on though we should touch on what to do if things go pear shaped. If somone forces you to have sex then find someone to talk to about it, you don't have to go to the police but you should get help and support. Its estimated that over 700 men a year are raped in the UK, so if it happens to you, here are some of the places you can get help and support and information:
Survivors UK - www.survivorsuk.org
Abused, Empowered, Survive, Thrive - www.aest.org.uk
Mankind UK - www.mankinduk.co.uk
The Second thing we should discuss while we've got your attention and your mind is on the sex track is safer sex. There are lots of websites which will give you good, upto the date information about safe sex and we're not going to rehash it. The main thing is get used to using condoms, (even if you think you're only ever a bottom- with the right man, everyone has versatile moments!), that means play with them when you're on your own, try jacking off with one on. Sometimes it helps to put a bit of lube on your dick before you slide the condom on, but not too much otherwise it will slide off and that's a whole different discussion! Think about how you'll work putting a condom into your sexplay, it should be something you have to stop and do that breaks the mood, make it part of the seduction, sliding it down his dick while you're jacking him off or drop it onto his chest and lie back and make it obvious you want him, just some ideas to get you started.....And always use lots of lube.....it will make it better for both of you.... But sex isn't all about fucking and loads of gay men have great sex lives without fucking, explore what works for you and enjoy it, different things will work with different people.
If you don't use a condom or it splits, slides off, tears or something else happens then you could consider post-sexual exposure prophylaxis (PEP). This means going to a sexual health clinic and seeing one of the doctors and then taking a course of tablets for a month to reduce your chances of catching HIV.
There's more information on sexual health services (it's a bit london centre but there are links to local services) at:
Metromate - www.metromate.org.uk
Terrence Higgins Trust - www.tht.org.uk
GMFA - www.gmfa.org.uk
2. Mental Health
This is one of these phrases which gets people uptight before you've even got onto the rest of the sentance but it's not something that you should be scared of. Lots of people have periods of mental ill health, this can range from feeling low and depressed to conditions such as schizophrenia where people become delusional and take occasional breaks from reality. Many of us will have our own experiences of mental health and most will have friends who have mental health problems so it is important that everyone thinks about it.
So lets talk about what you can do when you feel things are going a bit off course. Many of us have the odd day or week when we feel low and life is a bit all over the place and we can't go on. The important thing is that you're not alone and if you need to talk to someone, pick up the phone! If you don't want to ring your mates or your family, ring the Lesbian & Gay Switchboard (+44 (0)20 7837 7324) or the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) although it seems like a strange suggestion but it can really help to talk to a stranger.
If the things going on in your head are affecting your life, you start missing work, stop talking to your friends, stop sleeping or eating, then you should get soem professional help.Make an appointment to see your GP to discuss what's going on, they might suggest medication or counselling, they might also give you a sick note for some time off work to get things back on track. You might also consider getting in touch with your local LGBT service to find out what counselling or services they offer.
Here are a few places that you could start looking to get help and support, many are London based but have links to other agencies around the country who might be able to help:
PACE - www.pacehealth.org.uk
Pink Practice - www.pinkpractice.co.uk
Mind - www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area
Kairos in Soho - www.kairosinsoho.org.uk
3 - Cancer
Cancer is one of those things that people speak in hushed tones about but if anyone who was a big Sex in the City fan will know (and fess up, loads of you are!), talking about it, is one of the best things you can do. There are lots of different cancers, just about any cell in your body can decide to go it's merry little way and produce hundreds of clones of itself and then you've got cancer. There isn't space or time to go into all the different types, lots of them are very rare and hopefully few of us will be affected by them in our lives, so here are some of the ones to look out for, the key thing is if you're worried go and get it checked out, many cancers can be treated really well if caught early so don't hang about just go and see your GP.
Testicular Cancer - that's cancer of your balls. It's quite common and affects often young men in their teens and twenties. The key to this one is catch it early, and the way to do that is to play with your balls a lot, get used to how they feel, run your fingers over them in the shower (it's easier standing up) so you get used to what they feel like and if you feel a lump or are concerned pop down to your GP and have a chat. There's a good leaflet at www.gmh.org.uk/main/balls which helps you work out what to look out for.
Prostate Cancer - the prostate is a gland which sits just inside you arse, you can feel it if you finger yourself as a small walnut shaped lump, and it's the bit of you which helps make the fluid bit of cum. Prostate cancer normally affects mature guys and can usually be treated easily. The signs to look out for are
Sometimes your prostate can get enlarged or inflamed for other reasons and that can give you similar symptoms and you may need a blood test to work out what's going on. The main thing is ...... go and see a doctor! There's more info at http://www.prostate-cancer.org.uk/
If you do have cancer or have a friend or relative who has cancer sometimes it's nice to be able to talk or email other people in similar situations. This website is quite useful for linking people together with similar conditions so might be worth a look http://www.mywavelength.com/search_people_h.php?cat=3
4 - Impotence/Erectile Dysfunction
Okay, so having talked about all the other things that can go wrong with your meat and two veg, we should touch base about things to think about when you just can't get it up. First....it does happen to most of us at some point, because we're too tired, too drunk, too stressed, too excited, too nervous, too lots of things...so don't get worried if it happens every now and again.
Sometimes however it happens a lot, even when you're on your own with that well worn copy of Bad Boy Press and then you might want to have a chat with someone about it. There can be lots of reasons for impotence, some of them are mild and easy to fix, others are a symptom of something more serious like diabetes or coronary heart disease. Key thing is talk to an expert, don't go buying some random pills from the internet.
You can find out a bit more at http://www.sda.uk.net/
5 - Waistline and Weight
Loads of us spend a lot of time concious and unconcious obsessing about our weight. For some it's about feeling too fat and trying to find the wonder diet that will help us achieve the adonis figure seen so often in the gay press. For others it's about the battle to put on weight so we don't feel like we're too skinny and gawky. This is not a simple topic and in this short space we can't give you any quick fixes but we can help you start to think about things and point you in some helpful directions.
So the first thing to put on the table is that whatever weight you are, someone, somewhere will think that right now, this instant, you are the hotest thing they've ever seen and won't want you to gain or loose a pound. Now this in itself might freak you out or you may take to it like a duck to water. It's probably easier for big guys in big cities where particularly the 'Bear community' means there are clubs like XXL to go to, social groups like Bearhug and chatrooms on gaydar for guys into big guys. For slender guys there isn't a scene as such so it may be harder to find a niche you fit into in the same way.
The second thing is that if you want to change your weight/size then do it the right way. Go and see your GP and have a chat about it, read up on it, work out what your options are. For loosing weight, dieting on it's own is rarely the answer, and subtle changes in your eating combined with exercise (which can be something fun like clubbing (sober and drug free of course!) or line dancing) are much more likely to make a sustained change. To gain weight, again working with your GP or a dietician you can build more protein and carbohydrate into your diet in a way that means you won't burn it all up the moment you get lift a finger. It's also useful to keep in mind that yo-yo dieting of any kind can lead to serious long term health problems like weak bones, bad teeth and damage to your heart.
Finally, the only person who you should care about being happy with your body is you, when you look in the mirror you should be able to say 'yeah it ain't perfect but it ain't half bad' and then smile. Think about the guys you see who are really happy in their lives and their relationships, they're not the greek gods, they're the normal average looking guys who smile and laugh and are comfortable in their own skin, try and be comfortable in yourself and the rest will soon fall into place.
If you do find yourself getting out of control, where obsessing about your weight is taking over your life then get some help, go and see your doctor or get in contact with someone to talk about it. The following resources might help:
For those who feel they are overweight:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_weight/
Try reading Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susan Orbach, it's written about women but much of what she says has resonance for gay men and think about joining one of the many lesbian and gay sports clubs as a fun way to make new friends and exercise having fun.
For those who feel they are underweight:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_weight/reaching_gain.shtml
Think about joining a gym but talk to them about what your aim is so you can set realistic goals for gaining weight in a healthy manner.